Cousin Elly, who happens to be blonde, is the world's worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it.
Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.
A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"
John was on his way to work. He got on his bus and sat down. After a while there is a small bump. John; "What was that?" Driver; "It was a cat" John; "Why did you run it over?" Driver; "Well it was either that or swerve into the tree at the side of the road and kill us all!" John; "Oh, fair enough" A little farthur down the road the bus swerves suddenly and a bigger bump shakes the bus. John; "What was that!!?" Driver; "It was a dog"
An Army Officer was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she wants to break up as she is in love with someone else and wanted nothing further to do with him. To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted pictures of herself back.
So the Officer does what any squared away Officer would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.
He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note: 'I'm sorry I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back. Thank you.'
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff "miss" him.
Most people are writing standard phrases like, 'Without you, the company will never be the same,' 'We will always remember you,' etc.
Obviously the boss was not satisfied, "I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, John, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?"
Slowly but firmly, John wrote, "The best news in 20 years."
A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. The impact was on his head, which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him.
He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying