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Three vampires went into a bar and sat down.

The barmaid came over to take their orders, "And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The second vampiresaid, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I'll have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light"
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A peculiarly scary thing was happening in a hospital's ICU. Every Sunday, with unfailing regularity, patients on bed number 5 died at 11 AM.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. To investigate the cause of such bizarre incidents, the doctors and nurses decide to keep strict vigilance.

A few minutes before 11 AM, the part time Sunday sweeper arrived. Whistling cheerfully, he unplugged the life support system of bed nnumber 5 and put the plug of his vacuum cleaner in it place!
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Santa went into a drug store and asked the pharmacist if he could give him something for hiccups.

Without warning, the pharmacist suddenly reached out and slapped Santa hard across the face.

"What did you do that for?" asked Santa indignantly.

"Well, you haven't got hiccups any more, have you?"

"I haven't got hiccups - my wife has!" replied Santa!
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A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put in our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realize that long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten it or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake"
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Banta, "Preeto and I are going to get a divorce".
Santa was stunned. "Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together"
"Well" he said, "ever since we got married, Preeto has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music and how to invest in the stock market."
"Are you a little bitter because she spent so much time trying to change you." Santa probed.
"Nah, I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
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A young lady visited a computer dating service and requested, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"

The matchmaker said, "What exactly are you looking for?"

"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour if I don't go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."

The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the result to the woman.

The result read, "Buy a television."
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Women Article Count: 22

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Doctor Patient Article Count: 289

Husband-Wife Article Count: 789

Religion Article Count: 173

Lawyers Article Count: 147

Blondes Article Count: 126

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Animal Kingdom Article Count: 70

Communities Article Count: 67

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