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After lunching at the Algonquin Hotel, Robert Benchley walked through the lobby, out the front door, and said to the uniformed man on the sidewalk, "My good man, would you please get me a taxi?"

The man immediately took offense and replied indignantly, "I'm not a doorman! I happen to be a rear admiral in the United States Navy."

Robert Benchley instantly quipped: "All right then, get me a battleship."
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Santa and his wife Jeeto were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

Santa said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.

"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some other jerk using my stuff."

Jeeto looked at Santa and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another jerk?"
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An elderly man took his little grandson for a walk around the local cemetery.

Pausing before one gravestone, he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 pounds, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts and if anyone has gone to Heaven, he has."

They walked on a bit farther and then came to another grave.

The old man pointed to the gravestone and said, "Now, there's a different type of man altogether. He owed me 60 pounds and he died without ever trying to pay me back. If anyone has gone to Hell, he has."

The little boy thought for awhile and then said, "You know, Granddad, you are very lucky."

"Why"? asked the old man in surprise.

"Well, whichever place you go to, you'll have some money waiting when you get there!"
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A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question.
The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer.
By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
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Johnnie wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks ... but nothing happened.
Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president.
The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
When Johnnie received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don't do that because, as usual, those jerks took 95%.
Love,
Johnnie
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A blonde woman went to see a Doctor, complaining of an upset stomach.

The Doctor asked, "What did you have for dinner last night?"

"Oysters," she replied.

"Were the oysters fresh?" asked the doctor.

"How should I know?" said the lady.

"Well," asked the doctor, "couldn't you tell when you took off the shells?"

"Oh my god," gasped the lady. "Are you supposed to take off the shells?"
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Sardarji Article Count: 1049

Political Article Count: 73

Women Article Count: 22

Thief Article Count: 18

Professor Article Count: 8

General Article Count: 1988

Non-Veg Jokes Article Count: 24

Kids Article Count: 413

Bollywood Article Count: 9

Doctor Patient Article Count: 289

Husband-Wife Article Count: 789

Religion Article Count: 173

Lawyers Article Count: 147

Blondes Article Count: 126

Bar Article Count: 127

Animal Kingdom Article Count: 70

Communities Article Count: 67

Sports Article Count: 80

Techies Article Count: 66

Celebrities Article Count: 42

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