The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning, the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.? None of the judges yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerks pay by one-third if
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a Safe Driver Award. Congratulations, what do you think you're going to do with the prize money?" He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him, he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, he finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to Heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."
One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all die and go to Heaven. St. Peter's there, and when they get to the gate, St. Peter informs them that there will be a test to get into Heaven: they each have to answer one question. To the teacher, he says, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the Iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?" The teacher thinks for a sec, and then replies, "That would have been the Titanic, right?". St. Peter lets