HAVE you ever noticed ? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
YOU have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don t know where she is.
THE reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
ANY time four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
THE statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it s you.
NOW they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
I ASK people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
A LADY came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" She sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn t know there were any witnesses. Now I ll have to kill you too.
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