When you take a long time, you're slow. When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough. When you don t do it, you re lazy. When your boss doesn t do it, he s too busy. When you make a mistake, you re an idiot. When your boss makes a mistake, he s only human. When doing something without being told, you re overstepping your authority. When your boss does the same thing, that s initiative. When you take a stand, you re being bull-headed. When your boss does
A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his daughter out for was so sick that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this week she would take their daughter out.
They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with Mommy?"
"Oh yes! Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what, we didn't see a single bastard!"
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"