Sir Winston Churchill was once asked about his position on whisky. Here's how he answered:
"If you mean whisky, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation
George decides to take his boss Sam to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace.
George offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. He gets about 3/4ths of the way stops and jogs back. His boss asks what the problem is.
George said, "Well one of those women is my wife and the other my mistress.
Sam just shook his head at Joe and started towards the women determined to finish his round of golf.
Preparing to ask the ladies to hurry their game he too stopped short and turned around.
George asked, "What's wrong?"
Sam replies, "It's a small, small world George, and you're fired"
When the tribal chief was suffering from constipation, one of his men goes to a doctor. Knowing little English he says, 'Big Chief!...... No shit!!' The doctor prescribes the medicines for 3 days, which the man gives to his chief. The chief hoping for a faster cure takes all the medicines in one gulp. After some time the man runs back to the doctor and says 'Big shit!......No Chief!!'
A man phoned his doctor very late at night saying his wife appeared to have Appendicitis.
"That's impossible," the physician replied, peeved at being woken up after midnight. "She had an appendectomy last year. Don't be stupid. Only a moron like you would wake me up for something this idiotic. Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?"
"No, you are the moron!" the husband replied. "Haven't you ever seen anybody with a second wife?"
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.
We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating