A wealthy old farmer was having a family reunion with his large family and as they all sat down to the table for a Sunday dinner, the old man looked around at his six big strapping sons and said:
"I don't see any grandchildren around this table of mine. I want you all to know that I will give $10,000 to the first one of you who presents me with a grandchild. We will now say grace."
When he raised his eyes again, he and his wife were the only ones at the table.
Santa heard his son reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch...'" "Shut up !" shouted furoius Santa. "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords". "But, Dad," replied the boy, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Santa went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens !" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.' "
Pappu: Us mein ek ladki ne bina kapdon ke sher pe sawari ki hai.
Santa: Bahut ziddi ho gaye ho.... har baat zidd karke manvate he lete ho.... Chalo chalta hun tumhaare liye. Vaise bhi bahut din huey sher nahin dekha....!!!!!
Santa ne sabse aage waali row ki seats ki ticket le li... Lion show aaya, 3-4 lions aaye, ladkiyaan bhi aayi but jis ladki ka Santa kointezaar tha vo nahin aayi. Phir Lion show khatam ho gaya aur kuch time ke baad Circus bhi khatam ho gayi...
Santa: Oye Pappu, tumne toh kaha tha ki ek ladki bina kapdon ke aayegi?
Pappu: Bina kapdo ke toh sher tha, ladki nahi... Papa maine jo kaha vo dobara padho!!!
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"
A man saw his friend limping badly as he came towards him. "Yaar, how did you get this injury to your leg?" "I did not have enough to drink," replied the other. "That does not make any sense! How can you hurt yourself by not having enough to drink?" "Very simple," replied his friend, "If I had been really and fully drunk, I would have fallen down at the shop. As I was half drunk, I tried to walk home, fell into a ditch and sprained my foot."
A wife goes to the local market to buy some organic vegetables for her husbands. She came back rather upset.
When her husband asked her what was wrong, she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for organic vegetables and I couldn't find any. So I asked him, 'Where the organic Vegetables were?' He didn't know what I was talking about so I said, 'These vegetables are for my husbands. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?
And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself'."