An atheist was fishing in Scotland one day when his boat was suddenly attacked by the Loch Ness Monster. The boat capsized and the man was tossed skywards.
As he flew through the air towards the monster's open mouth, he screamed, "Oh God, help me!"
Immediately everything was frozen in place. The ferocious attack stopped and the atheist was left suspended in mid-air. A booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on God, give me a break," said the man. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!"
Waiter: Hey, where do you think you are going with these spoons? Santa: Doctors orders Waiter: What do you mean ? Santa: See what is written on this side of the medicine bottle, Take two spoons after each meal.
Banta showed his palm to a palmist. He examined the lines on Banta's hand and said, 'A beautiful girl will come into your life, but be very careful.' 'Why should I have to be careful?' Banta retorted. She should be careful of her life. I drive a Redline bus!.'