Santa and Banta were sitting in a bar getting really drunk. After a while, just drinking gets boring, so Santa looks at the Banta and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?" Banta says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!" So they get some more beer and go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they get bored with this too, so they decide to land. The drunk Santa starts circling around looking for a place to land, and he sees an airstrip
After a busy day commuters settled down on their train trip home, when a chap hauled out his mobile and loudly started up:
"Hi darling, it's John, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's 7.00 and not 5.00 but I had a long meeting - no, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss, no darling you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart, etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., blah, blah, blah..."
When this went on more than 15 minutes, a young woman sitting opposite him, driven beyond endurance, yelled at the top of her voice, "Hey, John! Turn off that phone and come back to bed!"
Dear Staff, Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
TRANSPORTATION: It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary. a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room.
The moment a man entered his office his boss asked "Do you believe in re-birth". The man answers "Yes" The boss responds "Then, it s okay because your grandfather had come here after you left for his funeral"