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Banta's wife Preeto went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation
"It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," Preeto replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," Preeto answered, "I take a newspaper."
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Wife is busy packing her clothes.

Man: And where are you going?

Wife: I'm moving to my mother.

Husband also starts packing.

Wife: And where do you think your going?

Husband: I'm also moving to my mother.

Wife: And what about the kids?

Husband: Well if you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother then I guess they must also move to their mother....
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John, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at 4:00 a.m. by his ringing telephone.

"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice.

John thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up.

The next morning at precisely 4:00 a.m., John called his neighbor back.

"Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to say that I don't have a dog."
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Banta was visiting Delhi for the first time. He wanted to see the Palika Bazaar. Unfortunately, he couldn't find it, so he asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Palika Bazaar?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."
Banta thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, Banta is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Palika Bazaar, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
Banta replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
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A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on. "
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
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Cousin Elly, who happens to be blonde, is the world's worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it.

Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.

A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

"Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"
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