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A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
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A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

"So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!'"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."
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There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and
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The order was to account for the round consumed by a sentry on duty in a camp in the desert-by turning in the empty cases and showing what he had shot.
One night it was our Santa's turn. On the following morning the officer in charge found a shoe box tied with string on his desk. Upon opening it, he discovered five empty shells, a live rattlesnake and a note. Said the note: "I missed."
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"I'm going to become a lion tamer."
"That's crazy, you don't know nothing about lion taming."
"Yes I do!"
"Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?"
"Well, then I'll take that big chair they all carry and stick it in his face until he backs down."
"Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then
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A young reporter was given the opportunity to interview a very successful, very wealthy banker. The reporter asked him, "Sir, What is the secret of your success?"

He said "Two words, young man."

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"But how do you make right decisions?"

"One word." he responded.

"And, sir, What is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

The banker replied with a wry smile, "Wrong decisions."
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