A child is a father of man. So, they say. In their nascent intelligence and various types of analogies the children draw while learning the ways of fending for themselves in this world, there occurs instances and events that will make you laugh. Some of such moments have been captured here.


A little boy was doing his math homework.

He said to himself, "Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight. Three plus four, that son of a bitch is seven...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
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A guy's walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette.

He says, "Kid, you're too young to smoke."

Johnny looks up and doesn't say anything.

The guy says, "How old are you?"

Johnny says, "Ten."

The guy says, "Ten? When did you start smoking?"

Johnny says, "Right after the first time I got laid."

The guy says, "Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?"

Johnny says, "I don't remember. I was drunk."
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The restaurant where I took my two kids for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television...
A harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return. I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar.

"Hey!" commented my youngest, "It sounds like someone just got their food!"
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There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.

After a week or two, his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new life.

"I'm fine, " Angus said. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time."

"Well, my dear," says his mother, "I suggest you don't associate with people like that."

"Oh," says Angus, "I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes."
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Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What s the matter?" asked Little Johnny.
"Giving up?"
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Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.

Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and then sends him to his room.

On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Little Johnny looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"
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