A few minutes later, he says to no one in particular, "All lawyers are assholes."
The fellow next to him lit into him. "How dare you just stereotypically categorize all lawyers as assholes? How have you missed that it's just not okay to cast aspersions on an entire group of people? You just try saying something like that about any other group of people and you'd get slugged. And you should! If you weren't such a jerk, I'd pour my drink all over you, but you're not worth the cost of my drink."
The fellow was properly abashed, and apologized. "Look, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," he says, "By the way, what kind of lawyer are you?"
"Lawyer? I'm no lawyer, you idiot. I'm an asshole!"
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"
The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..."
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.
One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.
Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her...
After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?"