Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy
A guy is speeding down a highway and he gets pulled over. The cop says, "You were speeding." The guy says, "No I wasn't, I was just going slow." The guy's wife in the Passenger seat says, "No officer, He was speeding the whole time." The guy glares at his wife and says, "Shut up!" The cop says, "I see your seat belt is off. May I ask why?" The guy says, "Well I saw you were gonna pull me over and you were gonna ask for my license, so I took it off and got it out." The guy's wife says, "No officer. He has had the seat belt off the whole time." The guy says to his wife, "What is wrong with you?" The cop leans over to the wife and asks, "Is he always this mean to you?" The wife says, "Only when he's drunk."
Banta walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need any one," they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anytime any thing." "We have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone for about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for a $80,000 policy and another for a $50,000 policy. "How in the world did you do that," they asked.
It is a known fact that all daughters-in-law have problems with their mother-in-law.
Anyway... One day the daughters-in-law all got together and decided to apologise to their mothers-in-law for everything they had supposedly done wrong.
A week later the daughters-in-law decided to take their families (including their mothers-in-law) on a picnic.
The mothers-in-law were all in one bus, which was the first to leave.
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.
They saw her and began shouting greetings to her, "Hello! How are you?! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place