The female brain works on a different tangent than male.
Last night I was sitting in the living room, talking to my wife about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying.
I told her, "Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state, I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive. I'd much rather die!"
My wife got up from the sofa with a real look of admiration towards me & proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV & DVD, then the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all my whisky, rum, gin & vodka and the beer from the fridge...
An inter-office softball game was held every year between the Marketing and Support Staff of one company.
The Support Staff whipped the Marketing Department soundly. To show just 'how' the Marketing Department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game:
"The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 1999 Softball Season, we finished in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game this entire season."
A woman was driving down the highway about 80 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
Johnny's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So, it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper.
"This is the worst essay I have ever had the misfortune of reading," ranted the teacher.
"It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes!"
"One person didn't," replied Little Johnny defensively. "My father helped me!"