There was a man who had worked all his life, saved all his money, and was a real miser.
Just before he died he said to his wife, "When I die I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me, I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all his money in the casket with him.
Well he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was
A man is speeding down the freeway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over. "Do you realize you were doing 90 m.p.h. in a 60 m.p.h. zone, sir?" asks the policeman. "That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit," replies the driver. The driver's wife butts in and says, "Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down." The policeman says, "I also noticed, sir, that you didnt have your seat belt on. You put it on as I was walking
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!' He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!' We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
Santa had been out for a few days due to ill health. At work Banta asked him how he was feeling? "I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience." he replied. "Wonderful? How can the cold and fever be wonderful?" Banta asked Santa in stunned disbelief. "Well, I learned that my wife, Jeeto, really loves me. You know that whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, she ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"