Three men of the cloth, a Catholic, a Jew and an Episcopalian were on an airplane trip together.
They ran into the worst turbulence in the history of aviation on the whole flight. When the plane finally landed, a reporter is there and starts interviewing people.
The first one is the Catholic and when asked was he afraid, he answered, "I am Catholic my son and yes, I was afraid but I prayed to my God and I knew he would see me through it."
A minister, a lawyer, and a boy scout are the only passengers on a small plane that develops engine problems.
The pilot emerges from the cockpit and announces, Real problems; going down can't possibly land. We must bail out! But we only have 3 parachutes!" He reaches into the back of the plane and grabs one of the 3 chutes, announcing, "I m a married man with 3 kids to support, so I must save myself." Out he bails. The lawyer then yells, "I have the
Santa and Banta were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Santa stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, one did come forth! This particular Genie; however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter Santa blurted
One day our Santa decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbour, Banta, was also a chicken farmer. Banta came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100 chickens." Santa was thrilled. Two weeks later Banta stopped by to see how things were going. Santa
A poor, downtrodden beggar stands on the street, not having much luck. Exasperated and hungry he decides to make a sign, and hastily scrawls the word "Beg" on a piece of cardboard. Hardly anyone pays him and his new sign any mind. A few passers-by drop him a couple of pennies. Suddenly, he gets an idea. He picks up his sign and to the word "Beg," he adds ".com." From around the corner, two venture capitalists appear, tripping over themselves to be the first to hand him a quarter of a million dollars. Pleased with his new-found wealth, the beggar decides to go one better. Flipping his cardboard sign over, he writes "e-Beg." Immediately, Jerry Yang and Bill Gates pull up in limousines and ask to buy him out.
The lineage is now revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", but now you can handle this situation. Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N.Schitt Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins: Deep