She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, "This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from Post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could not he knock our doors and deliver parcel at home?"
The Post master was polite and apologetic. He went inside brought the parcel and delivered it to the lady.
Then just casually he asked, "Ma'am what is inside this parcel that upsets you so much?"
The lady replied, "My husband's first new hearing aids."
Banta had been in the hospital for days. His nurse was extremely annoying and he couldn't take much more. One day during breakfast, he took his apple juice container and poured it into a urine specimen cup the nurse had insisted he fill. The nurse came in to check on him and looked at the specimen glass. In her annoying voice, she snickered, "It seems we are a little cloudy today." Banta put on his angry face, snatched the bottle out of her hand and drank it down in a few quick gulps, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again and maybe it will come out clearer this time."
Three men were at the FBI Building for a job interview. The first man walked into the office.
The interviewing FBI agent said, "To be in the FBI you must be loyal, dedicated, and give us your all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with this gun."
The man took the gun, hesitated, and said, "Sorry, I can't do it."
Banta: "I'm going to become a lion tamer." Santa: "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no lion taming." Banta: "Yes I do!" Santa: "Well, OK, answer me this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what you gonna do?" Banta: "I'll take that big chair they all carry, and I'll stick it in his face until he backs down." Santa: "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with them big claws, and throws that chair
Jeeto came running up to Santa jumping for joy. Not knowing how to react, Santa started jumping up and down along with her. "Why are we so happy?" Santa asked. Jeeto, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" "Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about." Jeeto stopped breathless from all the jumping up and down. "I'm pregnant!" she gasped. Santa was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. Santa grabbed her, kissed her, and started
One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnnie. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnnie, "if he's as scared as I am, then that water ain't fit to drink!"