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A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.
I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!
St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.
When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you ve billed to your clients, and you're at least 108.
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When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.

One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.

"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"

"Actually," the man replied, "I was given
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Bill Gates: So, how's heaven Steve?

Steve Jobs: Great, it just doesn't have any walls or fences.

Bill Gates: So...?

Steve Jobs: So, we don't need any Windows and Gates. I'm sorry Bill, I didn't mean to offend you.

Bill Gates: It's ok Steve, but I heard a rumor.

Steve Jobs: Oh, what rumor?

Bill Gates: That nobody is allowed to touch Apple there and there are no Jobs in heaven.

Steve Jobs: Oh no, definitely there are but only no-pay jobs. Therefore definitely no Bills in heaven as everything will be provided free...."
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When he reached the pearly gates and knocked, St. Peter asked "Who is it?"
Clinton said, "It's me, Bill Clinton."
Peter asked, "Have you done anything wrong that I should know about?"
Clinton said, "I smoked pot once, but you can't hold it against me because I did not inhale. I was unfaithful to my wife, but you cannot hold it against me because I didn't have sex. I lied, but you can't hold it against me because I didn't commit perjury."

Peter said "Well we are going to send you to a place, but we're not going to call it Hell. You are going to stay there for a while, but we are not going to call it eternity."
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.
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