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Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband.
Not able to handle being alone, she decides to kill herself and join him in death. She starts to think about quick and easy ways, and remembers abouther husband's old Army pistol. With that thought, she decides to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken anyway.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden on one of her children, she decides to call her doctor's and inquire as to just exactly where the heart could be found on a woman.
Her doctor advises her that it could be found just below her left breast.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gun shot wound to her knee.
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Santa's son and two of his friends were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship.
He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can bowl a 90-kmph fast ball and run and catch it just after it crosses the wickets at striker's end!"
One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot a bullet from his gun and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the bullrt hits the bulls eye!"
Santa's son said, "Your dads don't even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 5:00 he gets home at 4:00!"
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The elderly minister was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents.

Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 25 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the minister asked her, "WHY?"


The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt
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A guy was getting ready to apply to a local department store for a job.

A friend told him that it was the policy of the store to hire nobody but Catholic Christians, and that if he wanted a job there, he would have to lie about being a Catholic Christian.

He applied for the job and the personnel man asked him, "And what church do you belong to?"

"I am a Catholic," said the guy. "And all my family are Catholics. In fact, my father is a priest and my mother is a nun, Sir."
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When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from
his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.
He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest
sink.
I was not so pleased.
I turned to Mom and said, 'I'm surprised at you.
Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with
water guns?' Mom smiled and then replied.....'Oh, I
remember....'
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A lion was getting married and all animals attended the wedding. Every animal stood a distance and wished then lion.

A mouse came and climbed to the stage and extended his hand to wish the lion.

The lion roared in rage and said, "How dare you come up the stage? Even the tiger is maintaining distance and you climbed the stage."

The mouse replied and after listening to that the lion fainted. What would have the mouse said ??? Any guess???

The mouse said, "Oh shut up buddy, even I was lion before marriage."
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