One Sunday morning, the minister told the congregation that he was going to say a series of words, and he wanted them to sing the song that came to mind, when he said each word. The first word he said was "rock" They immediately started singing "Rock of Ages." The second word he said was "Blood" and they sang "Power in the Blood." The third word was "Cross" and they began singing "The Old Rugged Cross." The fourth word he said was "Sex", everyone gasped and then it got very quiet, then way in the back of the church an 87 yr old lady stood up and started singing "Memories."
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them
A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. This is exciting, thought the gentleman. Ive always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps Ill be able to see him in person. Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. This is fantastic, thought the gentleman. Im really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, hell ask me
An alter boy is in church cleaning the pews when he sees a cripple struggle through the doors of the church and make his way to the font of holy water. The boy watches as the cripple manages to get up the step, sprinkles holy water on his legs and then throws his crutches away. The alter boy runs to get the priest and explains what he saw. "It's a miracle", exclaims the priest, "where is he now?" "Flat on his ass by the holy water", says the boy.