A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And the congregation cried,"Amen!"
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river."
And the congregation cried,"Amen!"
"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river."
Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"
The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up & said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, "We shall drink from that river."
Father John walked into a pub, and said to the first man he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father John walked up to Robert and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" Robert said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" Robert said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
An angel appears at a priests meeting and tells their leader that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the leader selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the leader, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.
One of the preists whispers, "Say something."
The leader sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present.
The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.
The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."
So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.
The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay..."