For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Julie, why didnt you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Seattle : Puffing on a cigarette is a bit like inhaling from the back end of a cow, or being poisoned like a rat, according to a new ad campaign sponsored by Washington state health officials. Cigarette smoke contains methane, a noxious gas which just happens to be the main ingredient in cow farts, and arsenic, the stuff they use to kill rats, according to radio ads run by the Washington State Department of health.
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you.You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife s soul, your children s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners." The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, "So, what s the catch?"
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer puzzedly asked, "How do you start a flood?"
One day a Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven. God came and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So they both followed. First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope. Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman. "Mr. God, why are you giving this room to me and the other one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked. "Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer."
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us." The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers! We had $100 when we broke in!"