Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q. Officer, who provided this description? A. The officer who responded to the scene. Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A. Yes sir, with my life. Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer - do you
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins: 1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty, 2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high, 3) Overcharging fees to many clients, 4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case. The list goes on for quite a while. The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits
Said a lady to her friend, "When we got our divorce we divided everything we had equally between us. Two children stayed with me, two went to my ex-husband." "What happened to the property?" asked the friend. "That was shared equally between his lawyer and mine."
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rachel, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $5 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Christy, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $2 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Matt, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will well, you are wrong. Hi, Matt."
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and says, "You're an engineer, you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is welcomed. Soon, the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell; he begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One