All jokes on the interplay of doctors and patients.


"Mr. Jacobs," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit."
"Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked.
"For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from."
"Well, that's terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I'd like to tell you something. Although our relationship is strictly professional, it's been one of the most rewarding of my life. I wish I could do something to repay you for helping me."
"You've paid my fee," the doctor said. "That's the only responsibility you have."
"I know," Jacobs said. "But isn't there some personal favor I could do for you?"
"Well," the doctor said, "I'll tell you what. If you ever suffer a relapse, my son could use a nice portable color television."
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A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money.

"How much do they cost?" he asked the clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck, "You just stick this piece of plastic in your ear and run this little string down into your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2, it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder."
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A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says.
"Oh no, that's terrible! How long have I got?" the man ask.
"10.." says the doctor.
"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.
"10...9...8...7..."
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Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited.
"Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis, he said.
The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic. "I will come in the morning."
The man protested, "But doctor, my wife is really serious."
The doctor replied, "I took out your wife s appendix two years ago. She can not have another."
The caller protested, "That is alright doctor, but now I have got another wife!"
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At the hospital, there was a man laying in the emergency room, the doctor opened the door and walked toward the man.
Man said, 'Will I be ok, Doctor?"
The doctor turned to him and said, "Well there is good and bad news."
"Tell me the bad news", said the man.
"Well," said the doctor, "the bad news is that we are going to cut both your legs off."
"Oh my god," said the man, "What the hell is the good news?"
"The good news is," said the doctor, "see that man over there, he wants to buy your shoes."
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Optometrist An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer:

"As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$75.'

If his eyes don't flutter, say... 'For the frames. The lenses will be $50.'

If his eyes still don't flutter, you add... 'Each.'
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More Articles ...

  1. Visiting a Dentist
  2. Nurse's revenge
  3. Mental Hospital
Page 15 of 49

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