A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here."
The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and great figures.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group again discusses where they should meet. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and they have a fine wine selection.
A foreman sent out two groups of men to put up telephone poles along a new highway and asked them to report at the end of the day. The crews were gone all day and returned just as the sun was setting. The foreman asked the leader of the first group how many poles they had installed. The reply was eleven. The foreman patted the guy on the back and said, "Not bad." Then he went to Santa, leader of the second group, and asked him the same question. Two was the reply. "Two! All you installed were two?! The other group installed eleven!" The foreman exclaimed angrily. "Yeah," Santa answered, "But you should have seen how much they left sticking out!"
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." Said and done, the next time God looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their
A tourist from San Francisco goes on his first trip overseas.
Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled while filling out his visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder and sees the tourist trying to write "Twice a week" in the space labeled SEX.
The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female.'"