A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything
A man passed away and went to Heaven. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. You'll like it here." While walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse. The man questioned St. Peter, "What's the deal? Why are all these clocks here in Heaven?" "The clocks
Banta tripped on the stairs and broke his leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that he wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off.
The weeks later he removed the cast and pronounced him well on the way to recovery.
"Oh good," Banta responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?"
"Yes," said the doctor, "if you promise to be careful."
"I can't tell you what a relief it will be," he sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!"
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, How many children do you have? Eight, she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert and Robert," she answered. "They're all named Robert?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'Robert,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'Robert, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"