There was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now.
As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work.
He told her not to bother, as he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He told her that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with
A man was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
Some of history's greatest replies come from people we don't usually associate with great wit.
In the decades prior to World War II, Mohandas 'Mahatma'" Gandhi led a massive campaign of civil disobedience designed to help colonial India win its independence from the British Empire. In 1931, shortly after being named Time magazine's 'Man of the Year,' Gandhi traveled to London to meet with British authorities. The entire nation was curious to learn more about this little brown man, as many called him. Constantly swarmed by press and photographers, Gandhi was peppered with questions wherever he went.
One day a reporter yelled out, "What do you think of Western civilization?"
It was a defining moment, and Gandhi's reply instantly transformed him from an object of curiosity into a celebrity.
In his heavy Indian accent, he answered, "I think it would be a good idea."
A sailor came home from a secret two year mission at sea only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Joe ", he demanded.
"No !" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Bob then?" he asked.
"NO !!!" she said even more upset.
"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
One day a Pope and a lawyer died and went to heaven. God came and said, "Follow me and I will give you your rooms." So they both followed. First God gave the Pope his room; it was very small with a small bed and a small desk. "Thank you, thank you my lord," said The Pope. Then God gave the lawyer his room; it was big room with a big bed and a big deck with a pool and a pretty woman. "Mr. God, why are you giving this room to me and the other one to The Pope?" the lawyer asked. "Well, we get popes by the dozens, but you're our first lawyer."