Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours, until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They type furiously, lines of code streaming across the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has
If a woman doesn't come home to her husband one night, and the next day she tells him she slept over at a friend's house, the man calls his wife's 10 best friends and none of them know anything about it.
If a man doesn't come home to his wife one night, and the next day he tells her he slept over at a friend's house, she calls her husband's 10 best friends-eight of them say he did sleep over, and two claim he's still there.
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board:
"Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all.
A little four year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a comic book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says, "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
Billy says, "I'm fine, mummy... I just haven't done it yet."
Mother says, "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"