An old farmer had owned a large farm for many years. He had a huge man-made pond out back with a beautiful picnic area. For years it was the perfect place to unwind or hold a family get together. As the farmer grew older, his "Oasis" was used less and less. It eventually became the local swimming hole and while his neighbors occasionally took advantage of the pond, he rarely made an appearence.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond. He hadn't been
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place... smack his ass again!"
Last year in France, Jacque went to his local priest and confessed: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During the Second world War, I hid a Jewish man in my attic."
"That's not a sin,'' said the priest. "It was an act of great kindness."
"But I made him agree to pay me 30 francs for every week he stayed.
"I admit that wasn't particularly charitable," said the priest, "but you did it for a good cause."
"Thank you, Father," said the man. "That's a great relief to me. I have just one more question."
A California highway patrol man pulled alongside a speeding car on the crowded freeway. Glancing at the car, the officer was astounded to see that the young blonde woman behind the wheel was knitting. Conceding that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO," the blonde woman yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"