A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning.
Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother? the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
At a World Conference, the heads of States of all countries were boasting about their technical know-how. So they all decided that to prove their boasts, each country should show an engineering feat to the world. In a few days, the U.S.A made a hollow tube of fiberglass, a millimeter in diameter. It was then sent to the Russia. They put a conducting wire in the tube. The Japanese, to prove their superiority, bored a hole through the wore. Finally, it was sent to India. It came back without any apparent change. "Well, what have you done?" asked everybody. "Look here," said the Indian, putting the wire under a microscope. Clearly visible were the words "Made in India."
Santa was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra Five hundred rupees to take the Mrs out to dinner and a movie." Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the painter had forgotten something Santa asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?" "Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your Mrs out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
A duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants; he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow. "Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!" After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets. "You didn
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man...
The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is allowed on the plane.
The second man explains, I'm a Drug Enforcement Agency officer and the dog is a Sniffer dog. His name is Smithy and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put