Santa had just finished collecting the rents from the tenants in his apartment block. But when he got home he realized that his wallet was missing and burst into tears.
"What's the matter?" asked his wife.
"I've lost my wallet containing 25 thousand rupees," he wailed. "I think I put it in my inside coat pocket, but it's not there now."
"Did you look in the pockets of your pants?"
"Yes, but the money isn't there either."
"What about the side pocket of your jacket? Did you look there?"
"Of course not!" he snapped. "Do you want me to lose the last bit of hope I have left?"
Standing at the edge of a lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up.
The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
Santa (tourists guide), was talking with a group of school kids at Zoo when one of the kids asked him if he had ever came face-to-face with a wolf. "Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon." "What did you do?" the little girl asked. "What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast." "How did you get away?" "As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage."
Santa and Banta were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said. "You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."
Santa said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.
The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.
After a week or two, his mother called to see how her son was doing in his new life.
"I'm fine, " Angus said. "But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time."
"Well, my dear," says his mother, "I suggest you don't associate with people like that."
"Oh," says Angus, "I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes."