Little Johnny was attending his first day of school.
The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag.
"When his eyes fell upon Little Johnny, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Little Johnny, I will not continue until you put your hand over your heart."
Little Johnny replied, "It is over my heart."
After several attempts to get Little Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?"
"Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie!"
Santa and Banta had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally Santa invited Banta to visit him in his new apartment. "I got a wife and two kids and I'd love to have you visit us." Banta, "Great. Where do you live?" Santa, "Here's the address. And there's plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front door, kick it open with your foot, go to
A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald's next to Captain Jack's Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives on the same street and they might see her.
Ten years later, the group of now 25 year old guys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at
When Tim answered his phone, he heard a woman on the other end say, "Hi, Tim. This is Lucy speaking. Remember we met about four months ago?"
"Lucy?" Tim replied. "About four months ago?"
"Yes, that's right," Lucy said. "It was at John's apartment. After the party, you drove me home. On the way, we parked and got in the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."
"Oh, I remember!" Tim exclaimed. "Lucy! How are you?"
"I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself," Lucy screeched.
Santa had just gotten a new car and was out for a drive when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for Santa to pull over. When Santa did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Santa, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!" He then went to Santa's car and cut up his leather seats. When he turned around, Santa had a slight grin on her face, so he