A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said, "No thanks, I don't drink, I tried it once but I didn't like it!"
So the bartender said, "Well would you like a cigarette?"
The man said, "No, I don't smoke, I tried it once but I didn't like it!"
The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No I don't like pool, I tried it once but I didn't like it."
"As a matter of fact I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting on my son!"
Excerpts taken from court proceedings that's really silly and funny too. These are actually things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q : What gear were you in, at the moment of impact? A : Gucci sweats and Reebok!
Q : This myasthenia gravis, does it effect your memory at all? A : Yes. Q : And in what
Santa decided to visit his brother in Chennai. He assumed that most madrasis would speak English but found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched Santa's ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. Santa simply nodded from time to time to show him that he was interested. When he had gone, a man in the compartment leaned forward and asked if he spoke Tamil. 'No,' Santa confessed. 'Then that explains,' the man said, 'why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train!'
Santa and Banta wanted to go for camping. They attached the trailer to the Car. Santa wanted to make sure that the car is in good condition before they start. So, he asked Banta to go in front of the car to check the headlights. Santa switched the headlights on. Banta told "Yeah! It is working!" Then Santa switched on the High beam. Banta told "Yeah! It is working! Santa asked Banta to go to the rear side of the car to check the brake lights. Santa slammed on the brake and Banta yelled "Yeah! It is working! Santa wanted to check the Left indicator. He put the left indicator. Then Banta started "It is working! ooops! It is not working... It is working! ooops... It is not working! ...
Driving into the city this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new red Mustang doing 75 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds shaking my head in disbelief and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on her darn makeup!
Well, it scared me so bad that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the doughnut