A couple hired a new chauffeur. The memsahib asked him to take her out for shopping and was very shaken by the experience.
Back home, she pleaded with her husband, "Please dear, you must sack this new chauffeur at once. He is so rash he nearly killed me three times this morning."
"Darling, don't be so hasty," replied the husband, "give him another chance."
An elderly man dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter welcomes him but states that the man must know how to spell the secret password to get in. The old man replies, "You mean I don't have to know it, I just have to spell it?" Saint Peter says, "Yes, that is correct, all you have to do is spell 'LOVE.'" The old mans spells out L-O-V-E with excitement. Saint Peter opens the gate and says, "Come on in!" Then Saint Peter asks the old man if he
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper," "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" I know all that." Replied the nonchalant husband. "Then why on Earth did you invite a friend for supper?" said the infuriated wife. "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
A man is walking home through a park one night after a fancy dress party. While he is walking home he feels the need to s**t so he crouches down on the grass and does his business.
Just as he is finishing he sees a policeman walking towards him.
He covers the s**t with his hat. When the policeman arrives he asks the man, "What have you go under there?"
The man replies, "I just caught the fastest thing in the world."
Dear Sir, I have two questions for the lawmakers of our country:
1. If the legal age of a Man to get Sexually active is 18 years and the legal age for him to get married is 21... then what are we actually suggesting he should do these 3 years?
2. Now if the legal age for a Man to get married is 21 years and the legal age for him to start drinking is 25 years... then how do you suggest he survives the first 4 years of marriage??? Any information will be appreciated.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.