A blonde was standing in front of a coke machine, she put in 50 cents and a coke came out. She set it on top of the coke machine. Put in 50 more cents pushed the button and another coke came out. She kept doing this until a guy standing behind her said, "Excuse me, can I get my coke and then you can go back to what ever you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "Like duh not when I am winning!!"
It was a fine summer evening at the local pub in Dublin. The bar was about half full. In one corner two fellows sat drinking pints. One fellow asks the other "Now where are ya from, me lad?" The second fellow replies "County Cork." The first fellow is amazed "Why that's were I hail from too! What may be your family name, then?" The second chap says "It be none other than O'Brien" "Why that is my clan, too. What a small world. And to what school did you go?
A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.
She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP. Within a minute a beat up old motorcycle pulled up. A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. The man got
Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one-day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $50."
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"
"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Abe says, "What are you, crazy?"
Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
"So," asks Abe, "did you get your fifty dollars?"
Murray looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think of?"