A young priest gets up in the morning and goes to breakfast. On his way there two nuns look at him and he says, "Good morning sisters" and they reply in a sing song manner, "You got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." This stuns the priest who thought he had been very polite but he just goes on. He encounters a Brother a little while later along the way and he says,"Good morning Brother." The Brother replies in a sing song voice, "You got up on the
"My next door neighbor is exposing himself. Oh my," she continued, "he's just standing there, big as you please, taking a shower with his window shades up!"
The squad car arrived immediately to catch the evil culprit in the act. She led the cop into her bedroom and pointed out her window.
"See what I mean, officer."
The policeman scratched his head and said, "Ma'am, I can only see the top of his head."
Judy, "Fool, just put a chair on that dresser over there and stand on that!"
A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn''t see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn''t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realised that he desperately needed to go to the toilet. So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.
Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.
Five minutes later. Billy returned looking more desperate and embarrassed.
Santa was one of the four persons who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. The Company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview. Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told them that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one person. He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a final interview