Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."
Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hangs on Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all envious. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob says, "I lied about my age."
His friends are fascinated, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"
The Boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up one of his blonde clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the Boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that she should hurry with the file.
After more than 30 minutes the blonde appears all tired and panting for breath. The Boss asks her why she was panting and what caused the huge delay. She replies, "Sir, when I went to the lift it said, 'During an emergency please use the staircase'!!!"
A man who is a manager in 5 star hotel calls his wife.
Husband: Aaj khaane mein kya pakaya hai?
Wife: Steamed fine long grain white rice, hand-picked in the emerald green lap of the Vindhyas, accompanied by a golden lentil soup that was gently simmered over the smouldering kisses of angels and served with dollops of fragrant clarified butter.
Husband: WOW... SOUNDS YUMMY!!1! Naam kya hai dish ka???
Wife: Daal-Chawal.
Husband: Daal-Chawal?? Toh itna ghumaya kyun?
Wife: Maine bhi vaise hi kaha jaise tum 5 star wale public ko kehte ho.
Allan retired in his early 50's and started a second career. However, even though he loved his new job, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Allan, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work