A guy walked into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them. Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls. To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.
The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"
Santa went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem, Santa's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, Santa went to the Indian Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to Punjab, India for a proper funeral ceremony. The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told Santa that the sending of a body back to India for
A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. The leading local politician was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was late, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
He commenced with: "Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humour!"
"I got my first impression of this parish from the very first confession I ever heard here. I thought
A man walking on the beach came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a genie actually appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the genie. "But there's a catch," the genie continued. "For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive double what you asked for." First, the man wished for a Ferrari. POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of him. "Now
At one local church, Jack was in charge of taking up the offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Jack. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Jack said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said "get in the confessional" which Jack did