Jimmy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks Jimmy, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Jimmy replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty two; your hair, twenty three; and your figure, eighteen." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Jimmy his reward, he stops her by saying... "WHOA, hold on there sweety!"Jimmy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!"
'Brian, what's wrong with you? You've been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!' 'Oh Dan,' responded Brian 'I don't know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!'
'Brian, that's horrible!' said Dan putting his arm around Brian. 'What type of a gift does she want already?'
'Well, right before she closed the door on my face she said to
Banta and his colleagues were at work one day when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle. They bought tickets, seeing it was for charity. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize. His colleague who won the first prize got six month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates. Second prize winner got three month's supply of Cadbury's chocolates. Banta won the tenth prize - a toilet brush. About a week later, at the office canteen, the first prize winner asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. "Great," said the the seond prize winner, "I love chocolates" "So do I," said the first prize winner. "And how's the toilet brush?" he asked Banta "Not so good," Banta said, "I think I'll go back to paper."
Pakistan announced a ban on lavish wedding feasts. Explaining such celebrations cause financial hardships for the poor and middle classes, lawmakers voted in May to restrict families to a wedding meal at home for relatives and house guests. Larger gatherings can take place at hotels and clubs outside the home, but no food may be served -- only hot and cold non-alcoholic drinks.
Santa goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - Santa wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that his aunt had died. Santa assures the son that Auntie is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, Auntie dies. One week later, Santa again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - Santa again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt