One mother in law to another, "I heard that both your son and daughter have been married off - how are they?"
"Oh, my daughter in law is really not that good. She sleeps late and expects my son to make the morning coffee. She does not cook, wants my son to take her out to eat more."
"But my son in law is an angel. He allows my daughter to stay late in bed, even makes bed coffee for her. Insists on taking my daughter out to eat so often. I tell you, I don't know what to do with my daughter in law."
A North Carolina man, having bought several expensive cigars, insured them against theft, loss, and fire. After he had smoked them, he then decided that he had a claim against the insurance company and filed. The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigar normally. The man sued. The judge stated that since the company had insured the cigars against fire, they were obligated to pay. After the man-accepted payment for his claim, the company then had him arrested... For arson.
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not
Tom and Brad have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Tom says, "Hey, Brad, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in." "But we're privates," protests Brad. "We're sergeants now," says Tom, pulling him inside. "Now, Brad, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink.""But we're privates," says Brad. "You blind?" asks Tom, pointing at his stripes. "We're sergeants now." So they have their drink