Santa comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and Santa panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks Santa, "Did you hear that Fluffy
By the time Banta pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, this man by the name of Santa, snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," tired Banta assured
In the midst of a hectic day at the office, Santa got a phone call from his friend Banta.
Banta: Santa, I just bought an expensive diamond ring for my wife, Preeto. I hope this won't break up our long friendship?
Santa: Hey Banta! Have you gone crazy? Why should your buying your wife an expensive diamond ring break up our friendship? After all, you are not taking it to my wife.
Banta: But my wife is taking it to your wife; she's over to your house right now, showing it to your wife.
Student: "How long do you want this report to be?" Teacher: "I would like you to think of this paper much like a lady's dress - long enough to cover the subject, yet short enough to keep it interesting."
Things that are DIFFICULT to say when drunk: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Anaesthetist 4. Cinnamon 5. Chrysanthemum
Things that are VERY DIFFICULT to say when drunk: 1. Specificity 2. Rhipidistian-Amphibian Transition 3. Anti-constitutionalistically 4. Transubstantiate 5. Sphygmomanometer
Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when drunk: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope
Darling, remember 25 years ago.... I had a rented one room apartment, a table fan, a black & white tv and a cycle to use. But, at night I used to sleep besides a 25 yrs old beautiful girl.
Now I own a luxurious bungalow with, 4 LED TVs, a Limousine and a Porsche, servants... but I sleep with a 50 yrs old woman.
Wife: Dont worry... Just find yourself a 25 yrs old beautiful woman... and I will make sure that you go back to your 1 room rented apartment, table fan, black & white TV and a cycle.