One day three young boys were playing, and talking about their home life with their parents. One little boy said, "It's about time I be getting home, because if I'm late for supper, my Dad will get mad and whip up on me. He's a real mean father." The second little boy said, "Your father ain't mean, I got the meanest Dad in the world." The first little boy said, "How come you say that?" The second little boy said, "Every time I go home, he slaps me if I say
A British guy walks into a bar in Central London and before he could order his drink, he notices a Sikh man wearing a turban.
Having a personal grudge against sardars, the British guy says loudly to the bartender to the advantage of everyone seated in the bar, "Drinks for everyone in here, except for the Sikh sardar over there."
The first round of drinks were served, and the Sikh guy gives him a smile, gestures to him saying, "Thank you!" in a loud voice.
Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar, when Santa said to Banta, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?" "Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away." "Well," said Santa, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?" "It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied Banta. "What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa, "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!" "Well," replied Banta, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see", 'Yes, go on' and 'I understand.' 'How did you feel about that?'" The new priest practices, saying these phrases. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"
An Officer was rewarded a bicycle by his Commanding Officer for a job well done. It was a beautiful cycle but didn't have a carrier at the back.
He requested his Orderly to get it fixed. When the cycle came back with the carrier fitted, he noticed that now the stand is missing. He asked about the missing stand.
The Orderly replied, "CO Sahib ke paas gaya toh unhone carrier toh sanction kar diya par stand nikaalne ke liye hukam diya..."
Youngster went up to the Old Man and asked for the reason for this order.
The CO replied, "Lesson for you, Young man, Fauj Mein Ek Cheez Hi Possible Hai... CAREER Ya STAND... Agar STAND Loge Toh CAREER Khatam Aur Agar CAREER Banana Hai Toh Kabhi... STAND Mat Lena... make your choice."