Santa realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from Rs 20 to Rs 2,000." "Let's see the Rs 20 model," he said. The clerk put the device around Santa's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" Santa asked. "For Rs 20 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?" "No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a Safe Driver Award. Congratulations, what do you think you're going to do with the prize money?" He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him, he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned." The guy from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!" At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"