The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Joe," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four months later, you were promoted to vice- chairman. Now it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?" "Thanks," said Joe. "Thanks?" the boss replied.a "Is that all you can say?" "I suppose not," Joe said. "Thanks, Dad."
Santa's wife, Jeeto, got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery. As a result, Santa offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery. One night Jeeto and Santa were watching TV when she broke down crying. "What's the matter?" Santa asked. Jeeto said "I can't believe you did this for me." Santa hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you." But how will I ever repay you?" she asked. To which Santa replied, "You don't need to repay me... you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said. "Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt!"
The wife stared at him, "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
Jail officials in Linn County, OR, have banned underwear for male inmates, explaining that it costs too much money to replace T-shirts and drawers, which keep disappearing. Sherrif Dave Burright said some items were flushed down the toilet, resulting in a $200 bill to unclog the sewer lines. Also, this summer an inmate tried to hang himself with the elastic waistband from his briefs. So far, only one prisoner has complained, claiming it is a constitutional right for inmates to have underwear, according to Burright, who noted, "I don't remember Thomas Jefferson putting anything about underwear in the Constitution."
Once a divorce case was being settled in court and the Judge asked the little kid of the couple, "Little boy, would you like to stay with your father!" The kid said, "No he beats me everyday!" The judge asked him, "So you want to stay with your mother?" He replied, "No! She also beats me!" Now the judge got a little confused and asked the boy sternly, "Well who do you want to stay with in that case?" The kid answered, "I want to stay with the Indian Cricket Team, because it never beats anyone."