Farmer Banta killed a lamb and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone.

He didnt tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months.

Then another farmer, Santa, who lived down the road, came by and said, "By the way Banta, did you ever find out who stole your lamb?"

"Nope," said Banta. "Not until just now."
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Titanic is going to be drowned. Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to god, just then a passenger asked the captain of the ship.
Passenger: How far is land, from here ?
Captain: Two miles...
Passenger: Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
Captain: .....!@#$% ...??
Passenger: Just tell me which side, land is two miles from here ?
captain: Downwards...
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Charlie was a very successful marketing director. Sadly, his wife Rita dies. At the cemetery, Joe's friends and family are appalled to see that the headstone reads:

"Here lies Rita, wife of Charlie, MCIM, Post Graduate Diploma in Marketing and Marketing Director of Quality Marketing Services Ltd."

Charlie was standing in front of Rita's grave reading the headstone when he suddenly burst into tears.

His brother says to him, "I'm not at all surprised that you find this distasteful. It's right that you should cry, pulling a cheap stunt like this on our Rita's headstone."

Through his tears, Joe sobs, "You don't understand. They left out the phone number."
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A milkman, who is dying in the hospital, is surrounded by his two sons, daughter, his wife and a nurse.

He says:
- To you, Peter, I leave the Beverly houses.

- To you, my dear daughter, I leave the apartments in the Los Angeles Plaza.

- To you, Charlie, being my youngest son with a large future, I leave the City Center offices.

- And you, my dear wife, the three residential buildings towers in downtown.

The nurse, impressed, tells his wife, "Madam, your husband is very rich. He is bequeathing many properties! You all are so lucky!!!"

And the wife retorts, "Rich??? Lucky??? Are you fucking kidding me!!!?? He is a Milkman!!! Those are his routes where he delivers milk !!!!"
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Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her
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A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"

"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."

"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:

"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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