A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, "We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event." Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment. Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks of life remaining before your death, and
This was when Santa was a little boy studying in a convent school. He was busy doing his homework and as his mother approached she heard: "One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two... Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four... Three and three... His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Santa remarked that his teacher had taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into little Santa's classroom and confronted the teacher. She told her about Santa's different way of doing math and his claims that she taught it that way to the class. The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Santa had said what he did. Then suddenly, she exclaimed, "Oh, I know... here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two..."
Three guys are golfing with the club pro. The first guy tees off and hits a dribbler about 60 yards. He turns to the pro and asks, "What did I do wrong?" The pro says, "Loft."
The next guy tees off and hits a duck hook into the woods.
He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro says, "Loft."
The third guy tees off and hits a slice into the pond.
He asks the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro again said, "Loft."
As they are walking to their balls, the first guy finally speaks up and asks the pro, "The three of us hit completely different tee shots and when we asked you what we did wrong you gave the same answer each time.
A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.
One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maids room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.
Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maids bed beside her
After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, Surprised?