A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.
When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress.
"She flirt with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.
The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.
"She was a real lady," his mistress said.
"How so?" the encouraged man asked.
"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:
"To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."
The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."
The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong. Hi Dan!"
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. She thought a quarterback was a refund. She tripped on the cordless phone. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Sagittarius. If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.