A man approached a local in a village he was visiting, the local happened to be our Dear Santa. "What is the quickest way to the nearest City?" Santa scratched his head. "Are you walking or driving?" he asked the stranger. "I am driving." "That is the quickest way!"
A large, well established, lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant tree over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The
Santa comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, "Daddy, I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?" Feeling his wife, Jeeto's gaze upon him, Santa explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system, and is very efficient." "Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."
Husband, "Hi Honey, I was driving to Susan's place along the coast road and had a sudden puncture. The car skidded and rolled over.
Only a small tree kept me from sliding over a cliff and falling 500 feet. I managed to crawl out of the car only one second before the tree snapped and the car fell over the cliff.
"I am now in hospital with a broken arm, several broken ribs, a shattered kneecap and severe concussion."
A blonde went to a Flying School, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot a helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1,000 feet, she radioed in, "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2,000 feet, she radioed